Fading

 Breathe....
Each shallow breath I draw lets the salt water flood my lungs. I keep thrashing in the water trying to stay above, but I'm failing.  I'm too strong proud to let go. If I give up I'll become shark food. Wolves don't belong in water! I keep reminding my self of that. I don't belong here. I struggle again. Weight encircles my ankles, pulling me further under. I can feel the salt sucking away my life.
 Breathe....
The seaweed pulls my broken and forgotten dreams from my still struggling body. Why do the oceans shadows overpower mine?  The last few moments I was free from the bitter, icy grip were like syrup. No one thought that this could happen to us..... too me. They thought I was strong  going places. Now the only place I'm going is down.
 Breathe....
Writhing in pain. I can't see anything through my storm cloud eyes. Hypothermia starts setting in, soon I'll be gone. My pack abandoned all hope me. It was fine when I spoke of my dreams, but when I tried to achieve them, I started drowning. They left the beach. Their dreams continued on even as mine died before their eyes. I thought I was important to them. I thought they needed me......I thought.
 Cease to breathe....

Silence is a sin

  Silence is not a sin by its self, but it contrubutes to a sin. Thou shalt not murder, It's on of the Ten commandments. This is not a religous blog, nor do I wish it to be. I have mulled over the concept of the silence and I realized it really is a sin. In keeping silence you are both murdering and baring false witness. Both are commandments. Granted the fact that you aren't ACTUALLY killing some one, you are killing your self. If you don't admit to yourself how you feel it will eat you. If you are asked a direct question and you can't seem to find the truth spilling of your lips, it will eat you. Death probably stalks us liars and those of us that bottle our feelings. I've often found my self doing both. So I guess todays question is, Am I going to Hell for silence?

S.O.S

   I can't do it any more. It was easy to put on a brave face when I thought there was a fighting chance, but that chance is gone. It faded with my last shred of hope. We have to be out by the fifteenth of next month. That just means we have to move into house with my grandparents. A house that could never be home. If I can't be alone in a house it cant be home. I need to feel comfortable to feel at home, and that just can't happen with a man who can't remember my name and a woman that pushes for details I don't have. I just want to know that I can come home to an empty house and have time to unwind without someone up my ass about everything. I don't want to lose this place that is just becoming a home to me. This apartment is sentimental. I didn't hurt this bad when we had to move away from the life I had when I was twelve. I lost my friends my home, my dad, myself, but this hurts so damn bad. I just breaking down.

The Way of Quil

 So I'm reading this book by Lisa McMann (one of my two favorite authors). The book is called The Unwanteds. In this book the city they live in,  Quil, separates its people in to three groups: Wanted, Necessary, and Unwanted. The Wanteds are given more schooling and are shipped of to join the Quilitary. The Necessaries are sent to work on the farms. The Unwanteds are killed. Only heres the catch, The Unwanteds aren't really killed, this nice man takes them under his wing and sends them to a conceiled school called Artim'e where they learn that they can do magic. Yada yada yada,  If you get a chance to read it do. I wrote about it because I feel like  we are seperated like this. The ones every one 'wants'  are the popular ones that get everything they want in life looking down upon the 'Unwanteds'. The ones we find 'necessary' are the ones that you say what's up to in the hall way, they never have much of a problem. Then there are the people like me 'Unwanted' you never look twice at us. We just create half the things you use on a daily basis. Everone looks at us like we are dead. Unlike in the book,  most of the Unwanteds in real life are unattractive, like myself.

Manic Depression Station

I hurt right now. No I didn't fall or cut myself. I'm struggling with the same hurt I always have. My heart hurts. I'm killing my soul slowly. I need to let him go, but I can't. He's klling me. I mean I expect him to move on but not as fast as he did. The day after he left me he asked out my two best friends. They said no of course, because they are my friends. He's a douche. He has a girlfriend now I honestly feel like shit.
My day is bad just because that's the schedual of the crazy Weregirl is Crazy as a Mother Fucker Train out of Manic Depression station. I really can't blame my ex for a chemical inbalance in my brain (no matter how much I'd like to). Ask my friends if I'm normally this depressed. There answer will be yes. So today I just need to chill. CHILL!

My Axiom

 Like my friend Violet I also had to write an axiom. Mine wasn't as accepted by our teacher as hers was. I used the assignment its self as inspiration. "Don't live by the words you read. Live by the words you write,". So my teacher says "Why read and write? What about the people that don't read and write?". He then told me to use other words meaning take in and deliver. So I changed it. He rejected that too. "That's not what I said," he told me. Then on my original he wrote the words 'consume' and 'produce' over read and write. Finally I thought to my self. Is Mr. Bassillious illiterate? If so how the hell did he become an English G.A.T.E teacher? I started freaking out I felt like crying, and as you know dear readers I DON'T LIKE TO CRY! I started hyperventilating. I'm extremely OCD. If I chose the words the serve a purpose. They are there because they make sense. I don't like using ugly words like 'consume' and 'produce' out side of were they belong, SCIENCE CLASS. The rest of my day fell apart under my feet because of that damn assignment. My words were pretty, clean, and ten times more original than 'consume' and 'produce'. IF YOUR ILLITERATE YOU WOULDN'T BE IN A G.A.T.E ENGLISH CLASS ANYWAY! NOT TO MENTION YOU CERTAINLY WOULDN'T KNOW HOW TO READ AN AXIOM.
ax·i·om

   /ˈæksiəm/ Show Spelled[ak-see-uhm] 

noun

1.

a self-evident truth that requires no proof.

2.

a universally accepted principle or rule.

3.

Logic, Mathematics . a proposition that is assumed without proof for the sake of studying the consequences that follow from it.

Barbra Streisand

 No not the person the game!! I invented a card game called Barbra Streisand only because she was in the spot light of my thoughts of the moment.

Objective
The object of the game is to get The King, Queen, and Jack of Hearts.

Instructions

• Separate the red cards the black cards and the Ace of Spades.  Into piles.
• Deal out two of each color to the other players. (omit the Ace of Spades)
• See who has the most Spades. (If you all have the same amount deal an additional Black card and count again.)
• Give the Ace of Spades to the player with the most Spades. ( the player with The Ace of Spades doesn't get a turn as long as they have it in their deck)
• Draw one card from the player to your Right.
• If you draw a red card, collect a red card from the center.
• If you draw a black card, draw a black card and return a red card.

How to Lose
 To lose you need to have a hand full of only black cards or only the Ace of Spades in your hand.

How to Win
 To win you must get the King, Queen, and Jack of Hearts, or be the only player left with a hand that contains any red cards.

No Vacancy

   Damn my mother and her natural compassion! To other people she is the worlds sweetest woman. To me she is a rude, crude, double standard holding, (for lack of a better word) bitch. She likes to take in strays. At the moment I am sleeping in her bed, if you can call laying there trying not to fall off sleeping. My mom's friend is sleeping on the couch, my Grandparents are in my bed, and my sister is on the futon. So sorry if you wanted to stay over, we are full! My bed is the moost comfortable bed in the house so you can see why I'm angry. I can't wake up with out worring that I am going to wake someone up. I can't play my xbox, or my music loud, because "They're inapropriate." or "My head hurts.". I just want to come home to peace and quiet. not some old fat couple sitting on my couch, or some pissy blonde on my case about everything. Things just need to go back to the way they were. AND MY SPELL CHECK ISN"T WORKING!!! :P

Adele, Silver Shoes, and a Burrito

  So as I'm sure most of you imaginary readers know it's lent. Well I assume you know, considering I made you up you should know. Screw it lets just say you do, and if you don't google it. My mother made me give up meat on Fridays. I HATE IT!! < (Just something to know for later). So we were in the car driving to Payless to buy me new shoes to match my dress for the military ball. I was saying something about "I don't need new shoes" and "I don't even know why I'm going, whatever". Finally, I decided I want a burrito. Then that was all I wanted, one of those delicious Beefy 5 layer burritos from Taco Bell. MMMMMMM. I couldn't have a burrito because its Friday. ALL I WANTED! Now for Adele. We were in the car and of course that's the CD there Adele's 21. Then my mothers friend starts flipping songs and sticks on "One and Only" we listened to that three times. My head was going to explode. I just wanted a burrito. My mom goes into the grocery store for food and I was stuck in the car. While my mom's friend was out smoking, I screamed out " That bitch won't let me have what I want. All I want is a mother fucking Burrito!!!". Now I'm at home *sigh* still no burrito.

Hang Me Out to Dry

   It's sad when the only thing you have to look forward to in your  own home is washing your face. My older sister and I never get along and we never have. I hate to say it, but the best thing that ever happened to me was her moving out. We would scream and get violent with each other daily. When she left it just felt right. Now she doesn't care. She comes over and pitches a fit over some new shit that honestly doesn't matter then she bitches about me. She complains about the two of us not spending time together so I cancel on my friends, then she calls me anti social. Then after attacking me, she leaves and doesn't talk to anyone for months. Upon her return she is loved and praised by the very family that causes me to feel like an outsider. She claims I never practice at the things I enjoy. What the hell, she's never around why does she think she has the right. My family praises her for being "cute, bubbly, sweet". I'm always being scolded for being "fat, loud, annoying". I just feel like a room mate in the house I'm told to call home. How can I call a house home if I don't feel like I belong. Do you think my writing is getting weaker?

Error Can Not Access at This Time.

 I have an issue. I am a bit of a perfectionist. The only issue with that is that it tends to cause me to suffer from clutter blindness. My motto is "If you don't have time to do it right, then don't do it at all". Since I rarely have time to do things right things are always a mess. I never notice the mess until I trip over it in the middle of the night. Eventually, I get bored and realize the only time I have is now so I clean. Anyway, My messy home life isn't what I wanted to talk about. Today I was doing a monologue for my drama class and after I went my friend (you know my friends  remain anonymous) told me that I missed a line. I physically started to shut down. I hate missing out on key parts in assignment. But that line really bugged and if it obvious it still bugs me. My brain quit functioning I could think of anything. Nothing was sticking in my brain, I felt dead. I don't like that feeling. Every time that happens I start to fear the inevitable. I begin to fear death. What is the afterlife? Is there an afterlife? Hit me up down below let me know what you think.