Nicest Thing

It seems music has become my only writing inspiration as of late. The words that invoke my own this evening are from a Kate Nash song called if you can't guess already Nicest Thing. It brings me to tears, which as you all know my imaginary readers I don't cry. This song had me weeping. Not just crying or whining. These tears were deep and primal. They where the tears that contort your face and redden your eyes and cheeks. Your breaths come slow and short, rather more like gasps. By the end you are lying there drenched in your own ocean of emotion. Those are the tears this song forced me to shed. I found a certain solace in these tears though. They let me know just how much I still care about a boy who I thought I'd moved on from. I thought my heart had freed it's self and was ready for new exploits, I was wrong. My heart still screams his name, my brain still sees him when I dream. I wanted him to be my future at a point in my life but I suppose I need him as my now. The more I listen the more I miss him. Her lines make me think. I wish I was his favourite girl. I wish he thought I was the reason he was in the world. I wish He had a favourite beauty spot that he loved secretly because it was in a hidden bit that nobody else could see. I wish that with out me he couldn't eat. I wish that with out me he'd be spending the rest of his nights awake. But  I know that won't happen, because life is never that kind. All I know now is I miss him and the way he'd call my name even if he was upset with me. I miss his gorgeous lips on mine, even though he'd never accept his own beauty.  Well now I've realized the truth. Now I've given it away to the universe. Now I know the depth of my desperate love for a boy who probably never truly loved me at all. Now I drown in the salty sea of tears and self pity. I let the waves realization and  self doubt push me further into the dark waters of depression. I swallow and choke on the salty waters of denial and slowly slip into the end his name the last on my mind, and he'll never know. He will never know that's what I imagine, that's how I feel. Sometimes, I don't even know.