Last Words to a Family Member

Yesterday, I found out my uncle had passed. He was in his early twenties. He threw his life away via Heroin. So I have a message for him, He may not be able to read it but it could save a life or two.

Message to my Uncle Joesph.
You were the one in the family that was supposed to make something of your self. Now the only thing you have suceeded in making of yourself is a corpse. When a call to your family from the police is the last we hear of you there is a problem. Both your father and your brother were police officers, you knew better. Now your neice and nephew have to make something of ourselves so that we can make up for the years you robbed from yourself.  Brittany and I grew up with you. We loved you. Ian grew up wanting to be like you, well now I hope he doesn't. Even though you were joking at the time, I looked foward to you teaching me how to drive. Remember when were at a family reunion and Brittany fell down that hill with either you or Nick? I do. I remember trying hard in that Kareoke contest last year so I could impress you.  I remember the Zelda shirt you were wearing after we saw each other again for the first time in eight years. And I will probably remember what they put you in for your burial. Because you won't really be there to remember for your self. Thats how life is when all you make of yourself is a corpse.

Lets Recap =P

I HATE SUMMER SCHOOL! Okay so Im taking PE and they have us running 5 miles a day doing P90X and lifting weights all in a 3 hour time slot. It literally blows. As if that wasn't enough I get to help move my mother, grandparents and myself into my mother's boyfriends house. There are three good things about that, and as materialistic as they sound they make it better. 1) I get to decorate my room however I want. 2) They're getting me a dog. 3) I get a truck for my birthday. I TOLD YOU IT SOUNDED MATERIALISTIC! It also gets me out of my Dad's house, where I am being eaten alive by fleas. I love my Dad but the fleas are out of hand. So I have all that shit to think about.

Stupid

Okay so I was house sitting/ pet sitting this weekend. I did something stupid. Not stupid like your thinking no sex, drugs, or liquor. I do love to disappoint you my dear readers so I won't get into it. My stupidity left my heart racing and my mind on fire. I found my self breathless ,and my friends will tell you I am never breathless. I wasn't however speechless. I actually found my speech clear and concise. I never wavered I kept my cool until the end, at which point I called my dear friend who proceeded to 'improve' my feeling on the situation. I love her, but she isn't helpful. She insisted upon comparing my stupidity to hers (they are nothing alike... TRUST ME.) I am better now just thought I would give you a taste and then keep the bowl for my self. :P

Today

 Today I lay in wait. I woke up at dark thirty this morning for no damn reason so I waited until eleven. At which point I watched the legend of Korra because I am just that nerdy. Now I'm posting on my blog waiting for a text or a call or hell anything really. today I also realized that I must send out some crazy ass pheromone because I woke up with every animal in this house I'm staying at on or around my bed. So that was today,  so far.

Lazy Gull

 Steven. Steven! STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEN. Steven. (What?) Steven.(what) Steven!! (WHAT!) Eagel. - Ragenineteen's Lazy Gull Talks To His Friend (Youtube it)

Fading

 Breathe....
Each shallow breath I draw lets the salt water flood my lungs. I keep thrashing in the water trying to stay above, but I'm failing.  I'm too strong proud to let go. If I give up I'll become shark food. Wolves don't belong in water! I keep reminding my self of that. I don't belong here. I struggle again. Weight encircles my ankles, pulling me further under. I can feel the salt sucking away my life.
 Breathe....
The seaweed pulls my broken and forgotten dreams from my still struggling body. Why do the oceans shadows overpower mine?  The last few moments I was free from the bitter, icy grip were like syrup. No one thought that this could happen to us..... too me. They thought I was strong  going places. Now the only place I'm going is down.
 Breathe....
Writhing in pain. I can't see anything through my storm cloud eyes. Hypothermia starts setting in, soon I'll be gone. My pack abandoned all hope me. It was fine when I spoke of my dreams, but when I tried to achieve them, I started drowning. They left the beach. Their dreams continued on even as mine died before their eyes. I thought I was important to them. I thought they needed me......I thought.
 Cease to breathe....

Silence is a sin

  Silence is not a sin by its self, but it contrubutes to a sin. Thou shalt not murder, It's on of the Ten commandments. This is not a religous blog, nor do I wish it to be. I have mulled over the concept of the silence and I realized it really is a sin. In keeping silence you are both murdering and baring false witness. Both are commandments. Granted the fact that you aren't ACTUALLY killing some one, you are killing your self. If you don't admit to yourself how you feel it will eat you. If you are asked a direct question and you can't seem to find the truth spilling of your lips, it will eat you. Death probably stalks us liars and those of us that bottle our feelings. I've often found my self doing both. So I guess todays question is, Am I going to Hell for silence?